Monday, March 24, 2008

Everything Ends Up on The Internet

Unbelievable!!! F*@k! Look what I found on the internet! My owner actually filmed me bathing and exposed me to the world. I'm so mad I can bite her! Or she can bite me. I've just about had it. Is there no privacy in this world? Now I know how Paris Hilton feels.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

My Favorite Dog Scene In a Movie

I just love the movie "The Dark Crystal" by Jim Henson. This is my favorite dog scene in a movie. I can totally relate.

Friday, February 29, 2008

From Shelter to Scepter

I have decided that if I ever write my own biography, I would title it "From Shelter to Scepter, A Rag to Riches Story of My Life, Brando Marlon Joffe" by Brando Marlon Joffe.

It was a rough start coming into this world. I don't remember much about my previous owners except that I have a weakness for children and babies crying. How I love them so. The rest is vague, and there must not have been much love lost between us for the cruelty of them leaving me in a stinky, cold, piss ridden shelter with claims that I was too expensive. The nerve of them! I AM NOT high maintenance. Sure my hair cuts are expensive (but hey, they don't just cut the hair on my head), but I will eat basically anything (as afore mentioned in my other blogs) and I sleep all day and I just need some affection now and then. Is that too much to ask for?

So yes, it was a miserable existence for those whole 3 days in the Anti-Cruelty Shelter in Chicago which included having my sexual reproductive organs removed (dear god is there no compassion!) and getting a case of kennel cough. What a dreary existence.

Then May 4, 2007 a couple came in and picked me out. Hard to believe because I was quite a mess after my 3 day, post-op, solitary confinement. See the picture? A mere shadow, puppy, of the dog I was to become.

Since then my life has really turned around. Now that I have been through the system, I know how to work it. I live a very cushy existence. I RULE the roost. Some might even compare me to royalty. I have a nice bed, can eat what I want, go for walks and get carried if I become tired, cry when I want something, sleep all day, plus I have some hot bitches for girlfriends (that will be my next blog). I have to say, not bad for a rags to riches story.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Dream a little dream

Yes, dogs do dream.

We have good dreams and we have bad dreams.

The other day I was laying down wagging my tail and my owner realized that I was having a good dream. When I have nightmares I will shake and even try to bark or growl. If my owner catches on she usually tries to wake me.

What are my dreams about? Well, that's hard to say. I usually can't remember them afterwards. When it's good I may be playing in the snow, with a friend, or getting a really good treat - like a giant raw hide. If it's bad, I may be dreaming about a bigger dog or being dropped at the pound where my owners got me originally. I don't EVER want to go back.

Either way I do dream a lot since I consider myself a professional sleeper. I practice often.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Everyone Likes a Little Kudos

This is a message for everyone, and not just my species. As far as training goes, its been a few months, and I pretty much (well for the most part) have the whole potty training thing down. Though why they call it potty training, I don't understand. There's no potty...just a patch or grass or a hydrant or a tree. But regardless, it really pisses me off when my human-being spaces out and forgets to tell me what a good job I am doing, and what a good boy I am. I mean, just because I am expected to do the right thing by now, does not mean it should be taken for granted. A little "that's a good boy" can go a long way. So next time you realize you are spacing out on your loved ones...make an effort to praise them...oh yeah, and a little biscuit never hurt anyone either.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Ever Wonder?

Please send or post your questions on this blog that you would like answered from a dog's perspective. Operators are standing by.

It's Ruff Being Hairy

I often get asked by my owner "What's it like being so hairy?" I'd like to answer her sometime, but the language barrier conflicts. All I can say is that it's "ruff."

Of course there are obvious pros i.e. you never have to put a coat on to go outside, you never have nightmares about turning up to school naked, you're rarely ever cold, you never have to worry about wrinkles, and people like to touch you because of all that hair.

But do you ever consider the cons? It's ever so hot in the summer and you can't just remove your hair, bugs love to play hide and seek and they are so hard to find, it gets tangled and matted (similar to what humans call dreadlocks - though I do love Bob Marley, now that's a cool dog), it makes my butt look ten times as big (does this fur look fat on me?), often leaves get caught in my fur when I go for a nice autumnal walk, when my tear ducks tear, it leaves a stain on my hair, there is always some food stuck around my mouth that I can't wipe off with my paw, and people are always trying to touch me because of all that hair.

Despite all that, I wouldn't give my hair up for anything. It's a beautiful salt and pepper which I believe distinguishes me as an intellectual (right, Einstein?) and have you seen those hairless cats!!!