Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Gastronomy - Heaven is in the top drawer

I consider myself an adventurous type. I like to eat exotic foods and I am not at all judgmental about what I put in my mouth. Forget those starving starlets...they are so boring! Water and air, again?

In captivity the daily gruel consists of the most unpalatable dry, brown, bland food mis-labeled as Chicken and Rice or Lamb and Rice combos. Nothing of these does it resemble. I find myself hard pressed to find a morsel of some such succulent poultry or whole grain. But beggars can't be chooser. I being of the begging breed - dog (or le chien en Francaise).

So when the guards aren't looking - I experiment. I stop at nothing to find something of taste and sophistication. Can you blame me after my daily rations? I've sampled anything and everything; thread, hair, sticks, rocks, dead insects, mud, other dog's droppings, glass, tissue, flower petals, cigarette butts, chocolate, leaves, carrots, and the list goes on. But what I have found I most desire to put in my mouth isn't quite edible. It is the sock. Ohhh the wonders. What a marvelous treat. Chewy, succulent, and aromatic - bliss does exist and like heaven it is indeed above, but in a drawer.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

My Life As A Dog

Greetings Homo Sapiens and Fellow Animals of the Planet,

I decided to start my own blog discussing, what other, than my life as a dog.

My person (owner...whatever! as if animals can't belong to themselves and god!) encouraged me to do this, since she's all artsy fartsy and stuff. Life as a dog isn't as trivial as it appears. I have to find all kinds of stuff to keep myself occupied while waiting for someone to acknowledge my existence with a good ball tossing or humor me enough to take me out to relieve my bowels. You must know how frustrating it is not to be able to "go" on your own freewill. Therefore you must forgive me when in retribution for trying to teach me a new trick I relieve myself on your white carpet.

This blog will serve as a diary documenting my life in captivity and my musings - by none other than, me, Sir Brando Marlon Joffe.